Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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