It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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