I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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