none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
