It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
