i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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