she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
