I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
