she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
