guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
