I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
