It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
