Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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