You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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