i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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