I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
