If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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