porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
