I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
