I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize