Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
