need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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