You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
