im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out mid-signature
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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