sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
