and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize