he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
