im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
