I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
