today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize