I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
