I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
