i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
