Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
