i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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