There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
