before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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