I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
