Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize