i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
