all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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