I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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