Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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