Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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