I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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