he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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