My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
