The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
