i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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