LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
