he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
