Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize