Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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