tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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