Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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