Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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