Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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