I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
