Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
