i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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