these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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