If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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