Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
did you just send me my own nude
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
